5 Foods To AVOID On A First Date.
Whether you're going to dinner at a sit down restaurant or you're just stopping off at the gas station to get snacks to sneak into the movies, THINK BEFORE YOU BUY. You can be the hottest man or woman in the tribe-state area, but insert some messy ass food into the equation and you may, (probably will) have a disaster on your hands. The following is a list of foods you may want to avoid on your next first date.
Powdered Donuts
What were you thinking? You only buy powdered donuts when you're staying home and watching re-runs of 3rd Rock From The Sun. The only way to partly save yourself now is to eat them as a whole, because no one has time to cut them up into smaller pieces. Try not to choke; that doesn’t go well with a date either.
2. Ribs or Anything Smothered in Sauce
"Why did I order this?" You've gone the route of messy and there’s no return. Ribs are like ordering a buffalo sandwich with shredded meat, the plate can merely be set in front of you and you already look like a child in his high chair. Let’s do the math: Order ribs + sauce all around your mouth and under your finger nails = going home alone.
3. Noodles & Nudeles
Noodles are the enemy. They taste great, but they foreshadow your kissing technique subconsciously to your date. While I can imagine, though not envy, a society where sucking and slurping loudly when consuming is appealing, this behavior just doesn't translate well in our current reality. Just remember: If unprovoked, don’t eat Noods and don’t send Nudes.
4. Meatball ANYTHING
I assume that if you've ordered meatball ANYTHING, whether that's in a sub, by themselves, or in any other form, that you've already thought through all of the risks and have given up on any and all etiquette. Meatballs are to cleanliness as money management is to sleds - it can only go downhill from here. I don’t know what that means. Don’t eat meatballs on a date.
5. Popcorn
This is mostly for your benefit. Popcorn is notorious for limboing into the crevices of teeth and gums. The last thing you want is to have a kernel lodged into your mouth’s nether regions when you’re trying to focus on your date and her stories about her cats. Actually, wait, maybe popcorn remnants would be a welcome distraction. Disregard.
